i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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