Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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