Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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