woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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