I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
