i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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