It's like God shit irony all over that family
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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