why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
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i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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