i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
