D3 body, D1 cock
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
