id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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