I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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