He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
