i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
