a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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