You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
