ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
