I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you would pick up someone in the library
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
