This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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