brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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