u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
