i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
operation have a gay friend backfired
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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