Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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