can u get pink eye on your cock?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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