I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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