think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
