There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
