Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
