I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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