Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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