I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
