When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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