I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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