I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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