I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
