i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
