okay pat passed out under dana's car
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
