This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
