you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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