He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
