apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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