someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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