I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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