i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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