I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize