just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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