Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
