If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
