Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
