Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
