Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
