i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he fucked my hip out of place.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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