i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
