honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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