All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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