Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
