Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
