why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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