sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
