Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
