planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This is my gift to your gina
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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