Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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