Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
