she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
