I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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