i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
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You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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