It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Randomize
