and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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