I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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