When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
